You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
