I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
