Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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