You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
