absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
