What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
