I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
