Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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