i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
