Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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