Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
