My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
