At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize