I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
