Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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