Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you never un-have a 4some
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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