Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
