The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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