The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
