Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.

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(703): View more from Virginia

capris are just wrong

(703): View more from Virginia

its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"

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(205): View more from Alabama

So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.

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(+41): View more from Switzerland

look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.

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(618): View more from Illinois

i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

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(203): View more from Connecticut

are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?

(203): View more from Connecticut

bc i get to see you. naked.

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(518): View more from New York

It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.

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(630): View more from Illinois

your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.

(630): View more from Illinois

also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?

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