Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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