I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
