We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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