rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You dont lie about slip and slides
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
