you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
