I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
