omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Randomize
