The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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