maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
