mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
