guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude i'm inner monologue high
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
time to smoke my breakfast
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
