Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
