You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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