Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
