Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize