wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
