I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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