remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
