I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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