Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize