do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
