***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
