The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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