Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
