She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
