getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize