I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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