fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A+ Viking dick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
