Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
