He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
