just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
