I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
