she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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