There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
