tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
