I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
