none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
