Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
