Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
