i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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