i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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