i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
