i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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