ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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