I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
sex in a hospital.. check
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
