Those balls look pretty dangerous.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
