I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
