I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
