I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
