I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
