I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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