My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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