dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
