everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
