you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
