he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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