somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
