i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
don't judge my taste in strippers
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
