Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
