Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
