Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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