OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
