I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
