Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
