What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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