my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
vagina is talking i cant
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize