i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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