1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish you could order shots online.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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