he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
