so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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