I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
